So I thought the past 2 weeks were hard but the other day while talking to Adam I finally asked him why he was so unhappy with me and what she did for him that I didnt do. Well as he was telling me I was getting madder and madder.. I was getting mad at the whole situation and I was just getting so angry with him and what he did..
So now instead of having tears of pain, I have tears of anger.. I have never thought in my life that I would be as angry with him as I am right now.. It kills me so much that things with him and i will never be the same.. I will never get those goodbye hugs and kisses again, I will never have my inital by my stocking at Christmas, I will never feel his hearbeat next to mine, we will never have those midnight talks... My list can go on and on... But the most important one is we will never be able to raise our daughter as one.. These past few days has been really tough.. Now all i can think about is that stuff and now I sit here and think "why in the world am I being punished?" "what did i do to deserve this pain?" People keep telling me that I didnt do anything and this is not my fault.. But I just cant help but think that.. If its not my fault then WHY? Why is this happening? So If anyone has any answers please feel free to share..
Kelly Korner Book Club
9 years ago
Posts
3 comments:
Kristy. I promise you that I do not have the answers, nor do I have what you want to hear. I can tell you that you are NOT being punished. God has a plan for all of us and while He did not plan for Adam to lie, cheat and betray you He did give Adam the opportunity to do what is right...it was his decision to faulture on that plan. The Lord is leading you to a life of happiness. We were never promised a life without pain, without disappointment and grief. We were promised however; that He would stand by us and wipe our tears. Your anger is just the next step in your process....first was the shock, then the hurt, now the anger and you are going to feel many other emotions. None of these are wrong and none are because you did anything wrong. I PROMISE you the one person that matters most right now is Jennah. You will be happy again, maybe not tomorrow or next week but YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS. It's going to be very hard to get over him, but your life is not made for Adam...it's made for YOU! Keep praying to the one person who can take your pain away. Surrender your hurt, devestation and anger over to Him. He knows what to do with it. In the meantime, stop asking Adam those things it will only prolong your anger and you deserve to move on. Im always praying for you Kristy. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!
Hey there girlie,
You will come out of this on top, I promise. As crazy as you may think this sounds, I am very proud of you and your progression from hurt to anger. Take control of your emotions and dish it out! Let him know that he can't treat you this way. You did nothing wrong and you need to take absolutely no responsibilty for what happened. Continue to take fabulous care of Jennah, treat yourself once in a while to something nice, and know that wonderful things await you in the future. One day we can plan to go to lunch and a movie and Dan can keep the little ladies. :) You've earned it.
First let me apologize for missing so many of your blogs. Not sure what happened to my notifications. I can really only ditto your other comments, I agree whole heartedly with both of them and you know we have talked about this before. You are not at fault or to blame. I can't tell you why this is happening or how to make it stop but you have to be strong for Jennah and yourself. A is at fault for all of this hurt and pain. Put the blame were it really belongs, solely on him! The only things you can do is make yourself stronger and show Jennah that through hurt and pain life does go on and things will get better! I love you!
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